At the very centre of our identity lies our biological foundation – we are humans. The undeniable cellular nature of who we are. Even this, sometimes can be rewritten by narratives.
Dina Sanichar was a boy discovered living with a wolf pack in Bulandshahr, India, in 1867. He was estimated to be around 6 years old at the time. Reports indicate he walked on all fours, ate raw meat, and howled like a wolf.
For those of us who weren’t brought up by wolves, like Dina, we also continue to hold on to bits of experiences that we went through and consider that an important part of our identity. Our narratives often end up becoming an important part of who we are. These borrowed elements sometimes provide a profound sense of belonging, whether within family, friends, community, culture, or nation, offering comfort and security through shared experiences and conformity.
Why do we hold on to personal identity ?
We all hold certain aspects of who we are very closely: “I am kind,” “I am loving,” “I am smart,” “I am a doctor,” “I am a student,” “I am religious,” “I am spiritual,” “I am competitive.” We hold on to these aspects even when it feels like holding on to a burning piece of coal. Why?
Our sense of identity is meant to enhance self-esteem by helping us feel more secure in our own skin. A strong sense of identity offers familiarity and stability, crucial in an ever-changing world, by helping individuals cement their roles and responsibilities and relate to others. It guides behaviour and decision-making, offering a framework for what is considered right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, thus helping navigate complex social landscapes.
For instance, consider a person who identifies strongly with their religious beliefs. A devout Muslim who prays five times a day, observes Ramadan, and follows dietary restrictions like halal food gains a sense of discipline, community, and spiritual fulfilment. During challenging times, this religious identity can offer comfort and guidance. The routine of daily prayers creates stability, and the community of fellow believers reinforces their sense of belonging and purpose.
In another example, a woman who identifies strongly as a devoted spouse values her role in supporting her partner emotionally and practically. When her partner faces a career setback, she becomes their biggest cheerleader, offering encouragement and practical help with job applications. This strong relationship-based identity helps her navigate this challenging period, providing a sense of purpose and reinforcing her bond with her partner.
An athlete who identifies as a top performer in their sport trains rigorously, adheres to a strict diet, and maintains a disciplined lifestyle to excel in competitions. This performance-based identity drives them to push through physical and mental barriers, striving for excellence. During tough training sessions or when facing setbacks like injuries, their identity as a dedicated athlete provides motivation and resilience.
A student starting at a new middle school after attending a smaller elementary school might feel disoriented by the new environment. To cope with this change, they might pack their favourite lunchbox from their old school, decorated with familiar stickers and filled with childhood snacks. This small comfort object provides a sense of security and a connection to their past experiences.
A person who identifies as a good father goes out of his way to be empathetic, supportive, and encouraging with his children. When his child is having difficulty, he puts in the extra effort to make things right, reinforcing his role and identity as a nurturing parent.
Holding on to a strong sense of identity can offer stability, motivation, and a sense of belonging. Whether through religious practices, relationships, performance achievements, cultural heritage, or familial roles, these beliefs seem to play a crucial role in helping individuals navigate life’s challenges.
But, there is a flipside !
Exercise
Spend a few days reflecting on what truly defines you. What are the core values, beliefs, and experiences that shape who you are? What makes you feel safe and secure? This exploration might surprise you and reveal hidden aspects of yourself.
Remember it’s okay to come up with nothing. We will figure this out eventually.